I am so excited and honored to share today's interview with Aubrey.
She is the gorgeous mama of Emery, 11 months and stepmama to Drake, almost 10. On top of being a full-time mama, she is the talented designer behind Aubrey Kinch Designs, blogs here and shares beautiful pictures on her Instagram daily. Today, she answers my question about her life as a stepmama.
• How long have you been a stepmom?
Officially 5 years this October 1st but 6 years if you count the dating time.
• Was it something that was hard to accept at first?
Yes! I went into this relationship thinking it wasn't going to be serious because he had "baggage". Little did I know that "baggage" was the best thing to happen to me... over time things simply fell into place and our bond and friendship grew and grew. I fell in love with two men and I wouldn't ever change that looking back. It was a total God thing placing Andrew and his son, Drake in my life.
• I know you have a great relationship with Drake; has anything changed since having Emery?
Yes and no. I say this with some hesitation because before Emery, I always said I would love Drake and future kids the same but I don't think I was prepared for the kind of love that completely bombards you when birthing your own. The love I have for them is so fierce and wonderful but it's slightly different. Not in the sense I treat them differently or love one more... but it's just not quite the same. Maybe it's the bond of sharing a space for 10 months with Emery and not with Drake. Our love grew whereas the love with Emmy was instantaneous? I hope I'm explaining this with justice! :)
• Do you feel there are negative stereotypes about stepmothers? If so, how do you deal with it?
Yes! All the time I get comments about how I'm a saint for "dealing" with our situation and I don't view it in that way at all! I feel like this is the biggest blessing from God and I wouldn't be married to Andrew if it weren't for Drake. The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when Drake was conceived and He knew I would be another mother role in his life years down the line. Now living through it, I'm haunted when people see another life and child as a nuisance and I think that's why there is the stereotype of stepmothers out there. Not everyone is accepting and excited to play an important role raising a child of Christ.
• What advice would you give to a woman considering a serious relationship with a man who has children?
Communication! Stay open and up front about how it makes you feel- if that's fear of things changing and them getting back together with their child's mom or if it's simply the conversation of how to work out a strong and comfortable relationship with the child's mom so you can work together for the sake of the child. Cannot stress that enough because you may think you've talked it through but it's different talking about it and living it.
• Does Drake ever act up? Do you feel you have as much authority as you do with Emery?
Absolutely. More so with myself and his mom than in front of Daddy so his mom and I work together really hard to be consistent with discipline and consequences. I feel I can be his authoritative figure at our home because I'm his parent role while here since daddy works so much. Again though, his mom and I are on the same page with misbehaving and methods of discipline. We meet every couple months over coffee to chat about Drake in general and what he's thriving at and struggling with. That's made it really great for him to know both households are working together. In turn, I feel that makes him feel more loved and thought about.
• What's the most rewarding thing about being a stepmom?
Watching them grow! Like all kids, you blink and it's been a year and you curse time for going so quickly. I feel the same with my little man. I love watching him excel at challenges he deals with or watching him make new friends. His age is so fun and sensitive (almost 10 years old) so it's given us even more opportunity to grow as stepmom and stepson.
Thank you so much, Aubrey.
Be sure to go check out Aubrey's blog, here.
She is the gorgeous mama of Emery, 11 months and stepmama to Drake, almost 10. On top of being a full-time mama, she is the talented designer behind Aubrey Kinch Designs, blogs here and shares beautiful pictures on her Instagram daily. Today, she answers my question about her life as a stepmama.
• How long have you been a stepmom?
Officially 5 years this October 1st but 6 years if you count the dating time.
• Was it something that was hard to accept at first?
Yes! I went into this relationship thinking it wasn't going to be serious because he had "baggage". Little did I know that "baggage" was the best thing to happen to me... over time things simply fell into place and our bond and friendship grew and grew. I fell in love with two men and I wouldn't ever change that looking back. It was a total God thing placing Andrew and his son, Drake in my life.
• I know you have a great relationship with Drake; has anything changed since having Emery?
Yes and no. I say this with some hesitation because before Emery, I always said I would love Drake and future kids the same but I don't think I was prepared for the kind of love that completely bombards you when birthing your own. The love I have for them is so fierce and wonderful but it's slightly different. Not in the sense I treat them differently or love one more... but it's just not quite the same. Maybe it's the bond of sharing a space for 10 months with Emery and not with Drake. Our love grew whereas the love with Emmy was instantaneous? I hope I'm explaining this with justice! :)
• Do you feel there are negative stereotypes about stepmothers? If so, how do you deal with it?
Yes! All the time I get comments about how I'm a saint for "dealing" with our situation and I don't view it in that way at all! I feel like this is the biggest blessing from God and I wouldn't be married to Andrew if it weren't for Drake. The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when Drake was conceived and He knew I would be another mother role in his life years down the line. Now living through it, I'm haunted when people see another life and child as a nuisance and I think that's why there is the stereotype of stepmothers out there. Not everyone is accepting and excited to play an important role raising a child of Christ.
• What advice would you give to a woman considering a serious relationship with a man who has children?
Communication! Stay open and up front about how it makes you feel- if that's fear of things changing and them getting back together with their child's mom or if it's simply the conversation of how to work out a strong and comfortable relationship with the child's mom so you can work together for the sake of the child. Cannot stress that enough because you may think you've talked it through but it's different talking about it and living it.
• Does Drake ever act up? Do you feel you have as much authority as you do with Emery?
Absolutely. More so with myself and his mom than in front of Daddy so his mom and I work together really hard to be consistent with discipline and consequences. I feel I can be his authoritative figure at our home because I'm his parent role while here since daddy works so much. Again though, his mom and I are on the same page with misbehaving and methods of discipline. We meet every couple months over coffee to chat about Drake in general and what he's thriving at and struggling with. That's made it really great for him to know both households are working together. In turn, I feel that makes him feel more loved and thought about.
• What's the most rewarding thing about being a stepmom?
Watching them grow! Like all kids, you blink and it's been a year and you curse time for going so quickly. I feel the same with my little man. I love watching him excel at challenges he deals with or watching him make new friends. His age is so fun and sensitive (almost 10 years old) so it's given us even more opportunity to grow as stepmom and stepson.
Thank you so much, Aubrey.
Be sure to go check out Aubrey's blog, here.
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